feeling more confident

amys blood sugars over the past few nights have started to be consistently steady and (touch wood) no hypos. i'm almost afraid to say it but i think i might see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
i might even sleep for 4 hours in a row tonight!!

i have even let amy go to a friends to play today for a little while and when i was leaving, amy told me that she felt very good and grown up because she was getting to stay and play without me. she asked me if there was something in me that felt free today because i was able to leave her. she doesnt know that i have been on the phone to her friends mum about 4 times already!

it is so hard to not wrap her up in cotton wool and treat her like a china doll that could break if not handled with care.

i'm sure i will get my fear under control soon and let amy live a little more freely!

(fingers crossed)

xxxxx

i am mairi, i'm 32, mummy to amy aged 6 and wife to eddie aged 33.

( i dont know why i've put our ages in , is that weird?)

eddie and i have been together for 17 years and married for nearly 8 years, he is such a beautiful person and i adore him, he makes me laugh every single day, he is my rock.

amy was born in february 2004 thanks to i.v.f treatment and determination.

she came into the world 10 days late(still cant rush her into anything) weighing 8lb 14 ozs, she was 23 and a half inches long and she was perfect.

amy is our world, i am maybe a teeny bit biased but she is amazing, she is funny, intelligent, sensitive and caring and extremely thoughtful. she loves to sing, dance, draw and loves loves loves going to the cinema!!

my world fell apart in february 2009 when my beloved daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at the age of 4. i know that there are so many children that have things much worse than diabetes wrong with them, but you know that when it is your child and you are told that there is something that is not working properly it is devastating no matter how small the problem.

after the diagnosis we spent 3 days in hospital over filling our brains with information on counting carbs and hypo treatments and insulin doses.

the worst part of the learning for me was the first time i had to inject my daughter with insulin.

i looked at her skinny little thigh and pinched up the skin, holding the needle in my other hand, amys delicate arm draped over my shoulder looking for reassurance and comfort, but then i was blinded by tears and paralysed by my aching heart. i said "i'm so sorry i cant do this", to which my 4 year old child responded " it's ok mummy, just do it". it was then that i realised that amys little arm was round me to reassure and comfort me!! she had become the strong one, she was helping me to cope with this, she had found a strength and acceptance that i was nowhere near finding.

we are now at july 2010 and after some pretty nasty allergic reactions to long lasting insulin, amy was put on insulin pump therapy in october 2009.

so 9 months on and we've had our ups and downs but amy would'nt give up her pump for anything, she adores it.

we have been experiencing night time lows/hypos quite often although she is only on 0.025 units of insulin every hour from midnight till 8 am, so i am setting my alarm every 2 or 3 hours to keep a check on her through the night.